Learning to Walk

When We Can't Sense HIM

"Sooner or later [God] withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience...  He leaves the [human] to stand up on its own legs - to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish....  Our cause is never in more danger than when a human - no longer desiring but still intending to do [God's] will - looks around upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."

Quoting from God on Mute, in which Pete Greig quotes from C. S. Lewis's Screwtape Letters and a senior demon writing to his nephew about the times when people can no longer sense God's presence, and His purposes have stopped making sense.

standards in public life

The news this summer, dominated as it was by the MP's expenses scandal, reminded us all of the fact that in high profile positions one's standards are there for all to see and scrutinise.  One group who quite naturally fall into such a position are professional sports people who adorn the pages of our newspapers on an almost daily basis for their choice of car, drink, lover or lifestyle.  So often it is footballers (and their WAGS) who dominate these stories but over recent years rugby has had a growing number of celebrity couples and pin up boys.   The raised profile of elite players has led to a rasing of the games overall profile - clearly a good thing - although it can also lead to far less glamorous or wanted stories.

Such an unglamorous story has, unfortunately, been dominating the back pages over the past few weeks.  'Bloodgate' has cast a shadow over Rugby Union in an unprecedented manner and the sport must now work hard to shine up its somewhat tainted image.  It also forces me to consider some of the actions that I have in the past or may in the future carry out in the name of the team.  For example, in rugby the game cannot go on if a front row player is injured.  This has led to the common practice of a front row player going down 'injured' at a strategically appropriate time, normally when his or her team are extremely short of breath!  The question I, as a front row player and captain am forced to ask is this: "Does this differ at all from faking a blood injury to bring a substituted player back on to the field?"  The short answer is 'not sure'.  In conversation with team mates we have discussed the fact that, ultimately, the 'injured' player receives treatment and the game will recommence - 15 on 15, no changes made.  Yet whilst this is the case the momentum that the opposition may have had will have been lost and, therefore, an unfair advantage will have been gained.

So what to do?  Everyone does it, it always has been done.  But hasn't God called me to live differently to the world?  To be in it but not to conform to its standards?

And so I have my answer.  No more tactical breathers.  But what about all the other areas where we push the laws of our great sport to the limit...

the panel: a reflection

Well.

I turned up at Shallowford House mid-afternoon on Monday with a few thoughts as to what I was going to be faced with over the next 48 hours but nothing solid.  It quickly became apparent, however, that the other candidates knew a lot more about what was going on than me and I realised that due to a lack of communication and also a mistake on my part I had managed not to find out certain information!  I was gutted, particularly as one of the things that I found out was that the next morning was 'presentations and group discussions' and I had planned nothing!  I also felt like a complete idiot.  Cue lots of prayer from some dedicated prayer 'warriors' and within two hours the panel secretary had come and spoken to me, assured me that it was not my fault (despite my mistake he felt that the communication I received should have been far better - which wouldn't have allowed for the mistake), and I had managed to prepare a presentation/group discussion and still get down to the bar for a pint before bed!

The presentation/group discussion involved each person in your group (the 15 candidates were placed in two groups, each group had three advisers) giving a five minute talk and then facilitating a 13 minute discussion.  People were stopped if they went over time.  The order was selected by picking a card and (another answer to prayer) I went first.  My talk seemed to go well, the discussion was good, and all three advisers commented (in the interviews with them) that they felt it went well.

On Tuesday afternoon the interviews began.  Each candidate was interviewed by each adviser in their group and the interviews lasted 50 minutes.  I hope that the word 'honesty' would be an appropriate way to sum up my interviews.  I was extremely open about my own beliefs including in my answers to questions regarding the priesthood, lay presidency and baptism.  I hope that I also demonstrated a genuine belief that God is leading (and, indeed, has led) me into a position of leadership within the church.  If they want a 'dyed-in-the-wool' Anglican then that is not me.  But if they want someone who recognises the great potential to harness the great and Godly aspects of tradition with the great and Godly emerging expressions then I think that I may have something to offer.

So, two interviews on Tuesday afternoon and one on Wednesday morning.  In and around this was a 'pastoral exercise' which was a 500 word written letter to a hypothetical friend experiencing an 'issue' (which they gave us, in the form of a case study).  I enjoyed doing it.  There were also a number of times of 'prayer and worship', but - in the most part - I found these to be dry and felt strongly that at a time when I was being asked to show an understanding of the broad styles of 'doing' church within Anglicanism that these times failed to take into account this broadness.

By Wednesday evening I was shattered (combination of adrenaline, train line outside the window, and thin curtains), and so, with a sermon to prepare for Sunday, sought refuge at my parent's home (YKW is still there - she's coming back today) as they were only an hours drive as opposed to five, and I then returned to Glasgow with my Dad (and a sermon!) on Thursday evening.  It will be up to two weeks for the Bishop to hear, then he needs to get in touch with me and so, as we are away on holiday for two weeks from next Wednesday, it might be a while until I hear.

As for what I want to hear...  Of course I hope to be recommended for training.  Yet at the same time I am aware of the fact that I have encountered significant 'issues' throughout the process and am constantly becoming more aware of other 'situations' with which I do not feel comfortable.  In a funny kind of way I wouldn't be surprised with either a 'yes' or a 'no' as I think (and hope) that I displayed and articulated a sense of calling and of gifts and abilities that would make me a good clergy person.  At the same time I also think that I showed that there are areas where I might not quite 'fit' with certain aspects of the tradition (along with a whole load of others within the Anglican church).

Ultimately, however, I feel that God has led me to know him, placed a call on my life to lead in a church context, brought me to Scotland, given me a home in a great church - where I now have the privilege of serving full time - and that, therefore, it was only right to explore whether the wider church (within this denomination) recognised this 'call'.  If they do then the discernment doesn't end there: as I said to a couple of other candidates, "we are having to try and discern about the church as they are trying to discern about us."  If they don't, then it will be hard to hear, but I still believe that God is calling me and I will continue to throw myself into my job which, as I said to a couple of people (including one of the selectors) is my "dream job" at this time.

I am nervous and scared and excited, but also (pretty) peaceful.  And I know a great big God, who turned my life around, who set my feet on solid ground, and who calls each of us to serve him in different and particular ways.  And I believe in the True God: The Father Almighty, and in His Son - Jesus Christ - who, being fully God and fully man, died on the cross for us 'who owe him everything'.  And I believe in the Holy Spirit who gives life and strength and vision for whatever lies ahead, today and always.

what a day!

Wow.

What a day we had, yesterday.  The church was open to visitors from 2pm onwards, right through until the end of the evening service, and at 6.15pm (when we switched counters) we had had 547 people come through the church.  There was a cafe (with home-made fair-trade baking), massage, bouncy castle (for kids), computer games, scalextric, quiet place, prayer room, necklace-making and live music throughout the day - and it was all free.

I spoke to a couple of families who were in complete amazement that we were also a 'fully functioning' church but who also thought that what we were doing was really great (especially considering that we are a 'fully functioning' church).  It was also a great privilege for us to be able to pray with a number of people, one of whom had come into the church, had a hand massage, left, but then felt prompted to come back and ask for prayer.  I am reliably informed that there were a number of people who came in throughout the course of the day and said that they would be back for services next week.

In the evening we had a service which was advertised on all our leaflets which were handed out throughout the day and which we hoped people might invite non-Christian family or friends to.  In true St Silas fashion people were still arriving after 6.30pm and so we started a little late as the first half of the service was all performance (poetry and music).  It was excellent: a great testimony to the incredibly creative and gifted people that we are blessed with.

After that I spoke, making the theme for the (short) talk 'bridge building'.  I used this picture (a must buy for preachers/teachers).  I think it is incredibly symbolic of the way in which we try to build bridges - with God, with people, or in situations - but also of how, although they may work for a while, a new storm will always come along rendering them somewhat useless.  We looked at three great truths from the bible in relation to bridge building:

1. Jesus builds a bridge for us to God.
2. Jesus builds a bridge for us to fullness of life.
3. God expends the energy in the bridge building process.

We then ended with a time of sung worship, culminating in an a cappella version of Amazing Grace.  A fitting way to end an amazing day.

rolling...

Things are really starting to roll now and today I handed in my research project (I'm thinking it might inspire a book at some point) and completed my final interview with a Muslim person so I can start - and hopefully finish - writing that up tomorrow.  I have also made good strides through the second assignment for the Islam course which is entitled, "'Islam is an Arabized reflection of Judaism.'  What evidence do you find to either support or refute this assertion?"  I am really enjoying this course and have found both the time spent meeting with three Muslims (plus extended family and mosque members) and also the work for the assignment incredibly interesting.

In other areas things are also rolling on.  Of particular note is the fact that the panel I attended decided to subject another panel to me, and so I am going to be off to that before too long (quite soon hopefully, watch this space...)  There may also be light at the end of the job tunnel and, as with everything of much (OK, not much!) interest, you'll read it here first.

Or second.

Or perhaps even third.

fossil fools day

This week I have been trying to keep my head down and get on with work, both for college and church.  The problem is that (as I have probably said before) I am not a fan of spending the whole day in the flat on my own, especially when I should be studying.  With that in mind I spend a good while studying in a coffee shop yesterday before moving to the library.  Today, with a staff meeting at lunch, I'll spend the first few hours of the day in another local cafe.

Yesterday, whilst in the coffee shop, a group of people burst in shouting "Happy fossil fools day!" and then made their way around the whole shop (before they were thrown out) 'flyering' everyone in there and generally encouraging us to use more fossil fuels.  I found this report detailing their day out.

It does, of course, raise interesting questions for all who follow Christ; In Genesis 1 God gives the responsibility for looking after the earth and all that is in it to humankind.  I wonder if it's time we joined with the Fossil Fools and started to take that a bit more seriously.

training south

Today, for the first time in almost 10 months of marriage, I am leaving my wife in Glasgow and going down to visit some family in England.  It isn't the first time we will have been apart - she has been away 3 or 4 times - but it feels a bit odd that it is me doing the leaving.

I came to faith in Christ 5 years ago now, and at the time that I did my God Mother (also my Aunt) was living in the UK in between relocating their family from Pakistan to the US.  As a committed Christian her (and my Uncle) played a big role in those early months and I was gutted when they moved.  Last summer we were meant to visit them as part of our America trip but unfortunately, due to my mis-spent youth (or 1 night to be more precise), the trip had to be cancelled.  But she has come over to visit my Grandparents for a couple of weeks (with my two youngest cousins - making travel to Glasgow pretty tricky) and so I am going to go down to see them.  The only sad thing is that with the timing of the school holidays YKW can't come too so they will have to meet another time.

So I am off to the train station in a few minutes.  I booked in advance last week and got a first class ticket for £5 more than the normal ticket so I will be travelling in luxury with a table and a plug socket which means that I will be able to do some of my sermon prep for Sunday as well as getting a bit of a glimpse into how the other half live!

star trek theology

One of the things that I have been very fortunate in since I became a Christian is the people that I have had around me; people who have looked out for me and been a source of encouragement, rebuke, advice and friendship.  Today I learnt a new lesson from one of these people and, despite the fact that I am not a Trekkie, the seriousness of the imagery was not lost on me.

There are exciting times ahead, potentially dangerous times too, but with the people I have around me and - in Christ - a source of guidance second to none, I am prayerfully confident of continuing in the truth until the day that I am 'beamed up.'

back to work

We had a fairly relaxing few days away, getting back late last night and being thrown straight back into action this morning.  I was away from the internet for more or less the whole time that we were away (2 minutes to check flight times being the only exception); I suspect that I am becoming slightly over reliant on the www.

I have had a busy day today although it might not have looked like it from the outside.  I spent an enjoyable couple of hours chatting about discipleship with a leader from another church this morning, and then spent several hours in a local coffee shop studying.  The reason for the study being done in those surroundings is simply that I have been finding working out of the flat during the day quite hard.  I think it may be something of an 'Extrovert' thing (or perhaps it's just me being weird) because tonight, with YKW around and working elsewhere in the flat, I have had a very productive time at home.

practical theology

Various scenarios and situations that I am aware of this week have once again highlighted a particular question for me; Can there be such thing as a theology that is not practical?

I have often thought about this as I have studied and, having read pages and pages written by countless authors throughout the history of Christianity in the course of my study, I can only conclude at this stage that theology does need to be practical.  An abstract idea is all very well, but when its strength to withstand scrutiny will come under the sharpest test will be when it is confronted by a 'real life' situation, and only then will we see if it is practical or not.  I am aware that this may sound as if I would suggest compromising on theological issues in order to make them practically workable, but I don't think that that has to be the case.  But there does need to be a way in which they can be worked through and worked out.

I wait to be corrected (and apologise if what I am trying to say hasn't come across - if anyone should choose to comment and my lack of clarity becomes obvious then I will attempt to explain further.)