Bizarre title for a blog post, but here's where it came from...
On the way home last night we decided to stop for some chips. We were stood waiting to use a cashpoint on Sauchiehall Street when two very drunk guys joined the queue. "5791" slurred one of them to the other, "it's the year I was born...backwards."
Lucky for him I wasn't a hardened criminal, or even just a desperate drunk, ready to smash him over the head and take whatever money lay behind door "5791."
One way in which I know that I am doing especially well at the moment is the fact that my mind is buzzing with ideas, thoughts, fears, hopes and excitement - about a whole manner of things. As I said earlier in the week I find myself considering Glasgow to be home; I feel like I belong here and am excited about that. Yet this also challenges me immensely as when I came here last year I knew I would be here for a while, but in my mind it was very much a period which I would move on from. Now I'm not so sure. What that means for my future ministry is also a question I have been praying about as this love affair continues to flourish.
With a number of others I am going for lunch at the college principles today. He is also from England and tells me with real delight how he committed to Glasgow for 5 years (8 years ago!) and that he has fallen in love with the place too. He has offered me his therapists number but says he can't guarantee results...he's still here!
I am slowly (but that is good as you settle in a new place) getting opportunities to serve here, which is something that excites me. The problem this presents is that instead of wanting to write essays I want to plan sermons and instead of reading for said essays I want to spend time sharing with and coming along side people - and also this mental planning can go on well in to the night making getting up the next day a real pain! There is also fear; the fear of doing a bad job when you get these opportunities and not getting invited back! But that is something I need to learn to deal with...I never have been that good at doing badly/losing etc.
These verses, albeit out of context (it's not always bad - as the Spirit leads), bring me encouragement...and excitement!
"I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. Then you will call to me. You will come and pray to me, and I will answer you. You will seek me, and you will find me because you will seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13)
Yes it is just after 4am. No I'm not struggling with sleep patterns again. I am off to pastures whiter and steeper to find the steepest of all steep slopes, to stand at the top and then...roll (or hopefully glide!) down.
Please (if you like that is) continue to check the blog, although this is just to let you know that there may not be (depending on internet access at my uncles flat) another post until this time next week. In the meantime for those of you who don't, check out gadgetvicar or this relatively new offering from Fletch.
Every blessing, see you next week if not before, Nick.
Sleep having started to improve following a doubling up on the dosage of the pills I had been hopeful of a better few days. This has, i'm glad to say, been the case - in some ways atleast - although have still struggled with motivation and getting myself 'into' the day. The classes the last couple of days have been good (once I got to them!) and challenging, although have felt pretty wiped by the end of them. I have also managed to secure some extra time to get on with work although one piece, a personal reflection, I am hoping to attempt a bit sooner.
This evening I had a call from a friend from Hawks and spent the evening with him, his girlfriend and another player. It was a bit of a drag to get myself out but am glad I did. I am so thankful to God for the way he puts good folk around at these times, a lesson for me to learn is to start to make use of these friendships and not just shut myself away. It is hard though when you're not feeling on top form. I worry that in new friendships a prolonged period of 'down-ness' might result in putting people off so have been steering clear of folk. Tonight was a lesson for me that I don't have to do this. I have a busy day tomorrow, refereeing in the morning and then playing some (hopefully short) part in the 2nds match in the afternoon. Following the double dose of the sleeping pills I have now run out so will be praying for good sleep and that I will wake up in a better frame of mind than of late.
Why is it that when you really need to sleep you can't?! I have been wrestling with this question for a while now. Circumstances have somehow led to me not being able to sleep but it is at times like this when sleep is most needed. Times of general crapiness are when we most need the energy that a good nights sleep would bring. I tend to find that praying late at night is a sure fire way of getting to sleep but when you're worrying about the fact that it's only a few hours until 'The Gospels and Acts' as well as the fact that you can't sleep anyway it seems harder to pray. I'm finding that a lot of my praying has to be pretty disciplined at the moment, prayers I know off by heart from childhood are particularly useful as is the Lord's Prayer.
With this in mind I paid a visit to the doctors last week. The doctor was most helpful, unfortunately the reception staff were not. I was made (not for the first time at that surgery) to feel like a criminal for wanting an appointment and as though the last thing in the world the lady on the other end of the line wanted to do was talk to me. An example from my previous life in sport. As a group of players we would always attempt to sign autographs (yes hard to believe anyone would ever want mine!) as often as possible remembering that whilst for us (not normally me!) it may have been the zillionth of the day for the kid asking it was their first. If only the lady on the other end of the phone could have had something like that in mind. Something for us to remember at times i'm sure.
Anyway the doc gave me some sleeping tablets, just ten though so you don't get addicted...yeh right. To get addicted I would have to know i'd taken something! I think on my return visit I may have to request the cattle size pills! Oh well back to counting sheep...or was that cows?!
